


To have a friend

by Enormous_disappointment



Category: Hunter X Hunter
Genre: Friendship, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-14
Updated: 2020-11-18
Packaged: 2021-03-10 01:33:51
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,308
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27566062
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Enormous_disappointment/pseuds/Enormous_disappointment
Summary: Hisoka and Illumi are friends, no?
Relationships: Hisoka/Illumi Zoldyck
Comments: 2
Kudos: 30





	1. Chapter 1

Illumi starts calling Hisoka and asking personal questions about him. His past, his _spicy memories_ , and the people he feels he has a connection with. Hisoka, happy to have a friend who was willing to talk to him, answers truthfully. Every call is a new question and a new discussion about it. After a while, he starts noticing that people around him are either mocking him or looking at him with sad eyes. He does not pay mind to them because, who knows what they are looking at, it cannot be him. Until one day, he decides to visit Illumi, as a surprise. Afterall, that is what friends do. They surprise each other and stick close to one another, no? As he approaches the home of the dead eyed assassin, he realizes that Illumi has a few _familiar_ faces surrounding him. Unsure of what his eyes are feasting on, he is preparing for Illumi to attack them. Yet, he sees Illumi talking to them, telling them all his secrets. Every late-night calls, every tear he shed, and laughs that escaped him, are coming to light because of Illumi. Illumi, his only friend, has taken his heart and crushed it. What breaks him even more is when he sees people paying Illumi, thanking him for his services and they are all laughing. Illumi never laughed around him, even though they were friends. Maybe it was all a lie or maybe, just maybe, it’s a nightmare he’ll wake up from. Yet, deep down he knows it’s not that. Turning around, he heads back and leaves. For the next few weeks, he ignores the calls of everyone, especially _his_. He does not go leave his room and decides to pack all of his belongings, leaving that place and that part of his life, forever. News circulate and no one knows where the mysterious magician went, no one knows if he is alive.

Unfortunately he is alive, and living a rather normal life. Exchanging the world of chaos and violence, to one of peace and calmness. Yet as time pass, he still does not trust anyone. I mean who will, who _can_ , after what happened to him. A few years later, he sees Illumi again. They stare at each other, one covered in blood and the other, buying ice cream at 2 am. Time stops for them, one scared to speak and the other in shock. Hisoka is quick to push down his fear and lie. "Do I know you? Why are you staring at me like that?" Illumi, struggles to speak, gets closer and whispers his name. "Hisoka, you're alive after all." Hisoka replies, as he feels his heart being crushed with one phrase and the weight of his pain magnifies, "I'm sorry, that's not my name. I believe you are confusing me with someone else. Now if you'll excuse me," and he is rushed to leave. No one knows that Illumi saw Hisoka again because he believed the lie. He continues with his job and vanishes to his world. No one knows how many tears Hisoka shed that night, when he saw the familiar face of an old friend, and no one knows the pain they both are in. One controlled by greed and the other by hurt and fear. No one knows and it is okay, because maybe things would be different for them if… if only Illumi could care a bit more. If only Hisoka was less naïve and more loveable. Until then, no one knows how much pain Hisoka puts himself through to justify the actions of Illumi. He, himself, does not know the pain he is subjecting his mind or body in. Nor does anyone know how Illumi does not seem to care about his old friend, he just wants information. Why? Well, because information equals money and money equals power or was it happiness, he cannot seem to remember.


	2. My death

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There will be two different versions on what could happen. This is the angst version, next chapter would be a wholesome one. 
> 
> *Trigger Warning: nonconsensual touching and implied rape*

After Hisoka saw Illumi, he crumbled. His world shattered, his faux peace vanished, and these actions led to the deterioration of his health. The CO of Illumi suffocated his mind, those thoughts that suddenly strangled him, causing him to react horribly. It began with the eating habits, eating less and less until it became water, his reasoning was that _possibly_ thinner, Illumi would not pay attention to the others and would not hurt him. Then it was growing his hair out, Illumi loved long hair and stated that he wished to see Hisoka with long hair. Little by little, his life morphs from Hisoka Amarou to the ideal image of Illumi Zoldyck. _‘You never hurt those ideal imagery you have.’_

Weeks go by and the puppet starts receiving stares, quick glances, looks. His thoughts scream at him, _‘you’re ugly’_ and _‘you’re pathetic.’_ He wants it to stop, he wants the glances to end. Those cold dead eyes undress his thoughts, and he feels nude and ready to fix. Feeling objectified and bare, he retrieves to the cave he calls home, where he is safely hidden.

Time tells a story, shows how fragile humans are, and Hisoka thought he was stronger than time. Waking up to knocks on the door, he opens it and Illumi is there. Frozen and in shocked, the Illumi seems to have received his mail and came to deliver it. This Illumi had short brown hair, a smile, and turquoise eyes. Ever since that moment, Illumi would appear everywhere, outside his window, when he would get the mail, and every glance to the outside world an Illumi would appear. He decides enough is enough and goes out, _‘just to clear my head’_ , to run away from Illumi.

* * *

**_ *Trigger Warning: nonconsensual touching and implied rape* _ **

As night crept in, he decided to go then, to be able to go through with the plan. Making his way to a small clearing, one where you could see the town lights and the stars, he sat down and looked. Watching the stars wink at him, the moon’s gaze, the comfort of the planet and the tears of the meteors, he smiled. A genuine smile, one where he felt safe and at peace. _‘When was the last time I smiled?’_ Ignoring any thoughts, he stayed there and eventually laid down. Time seems to go by slowly when you are alone, and Hisoka drifted off to sleep. He felt safe and secured, the night sky keeping an eye on him and he slept. Until… until he felt hands on his body, the unwanted kisses that were placed on his neck and going down, the arms of someone holding him wide open. As the discomfort grew, his sleep lessened, and he opened his eyes. This Illumi was very big, bigger than Leorio, and strong, with the body type of Silva. Rough throughout the whole time and enjoying his steal, he placed a final kiss onto Hisoka’s lips. A sweet, soft, _loving_ kiss and as he uttered the next words, Hisoka broke, _“I’ve missed you, darling. Don’t cry sweetheart, I know I have to go now but I did leave you with a nice present.”_

* * *

The two emotions which formed a tornado within, safe and soiled, Hisoka gave him the luxury to cry. This cry lasted hours, it shook his very core, left his gasping for air and feeling even more broken than before. With the strength he did not have, he made his way home and decided to never emerge again. Months passed, seasons changed, and his neighbors worried for the young man. Deciding to break into his home, they found his body pale, unmoving, and dreadfully thin. Rushing to save him, they zoom to the nearest hospital, where he barely manages to survive. With the support of his neighbors and the doctors help, he is physically beautiful and alive, but mentally, Hisoka Amarou is dead and not coming back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1) CO is carbon monoxide, which is an odorless, colorless and tasteless gas which can deprive the heart, brain and other vital organs of oxygen. As a result, people could lose consciousness and suffocate.  
> 2) The multiple Illumi's are not actually Illumi, due to his habits his brain began hallucinating and he is seeing different versions of Illumi. Illumi was not the one who raped him.  
> 3) For the aftermath I decided to write that he didn't leave and once he finished all the food in his house, he simply starved but had water. The longest record of a person fasting was 73 days, Kieran Doherty, his neighbors managed to save him before he could die.  
> 4) He is fine physically and will be fine but mentally, he is not and I decided to describe it as if he was dead.  
> 5) I may create a different storyline for this specific chapter. I haven't decided yet, let me know if you'd want to though.  
> Thanks for reading darlings <3


End file.
